whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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