Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
smell my finger.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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