I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
if only i could text you this smell
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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