wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
