I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Randomize
