There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
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