is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
