Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Randomize
