you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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