He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
