we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
