I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
You left your underwear on the fireplace
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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