Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
sarcasm needs its own font
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize
