im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
