Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
