I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize
