dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Randomize
