I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
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