I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Randomize
