hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
