Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
My liver just had a heart attack.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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