the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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