Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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