so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
I need to align my fucking chakras
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
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