His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
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