i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Randomize
