i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Randomize
