i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
