pop tarts are not kleenex
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Randomize
