Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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