bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
