Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
