do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
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