We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
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