I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
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