His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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