you guys were way drunker than both of me
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
