Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Randomize
