Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
