He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize