try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
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