I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
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