My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Randomize
