I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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