went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
A bitchslap is in order.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
