remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
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