i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Randomize
