So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
