I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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