An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
My breath smells like gin and sadness
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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