I just pynch a tree in the face
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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