in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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